


What it would be like to be spoilt on New Year’s Eve

by BoredPsychopath_JC



Series: Festivals were worthwhile only when you were here [2]
Category: London Spy
Genre: Alex actually making arrangements for the festive day for Danny, And the doubts got him into serious discussion with poor Alex, Character Study, Danny went playfully melodramatic whenever he got too much going on in his mind, Doubtful Danny, Established Relationship, Feels, Fine Dining, Fluff, M/M, New Year's Eve, Post-meeting Scottie, Pre-disappearence, Relationship Discussions, Romance, after revealing all the worst bits of his past, and not as "cold" as he had been in the last fic, subtext angst if you think of canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-01
Updated: 2016-01-12
Packaged: 2018-05-10 17:24:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5594671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoredPsychopath_JC/pseuds/BoredPsychopath_JC
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Christmas, it was shortly the first new year’s eve Danny and Alex spent together. Over those few days, there had no longer been secrets from Danny’s side. How would Danny, still unease from giving away his past, enjoy all the arrangements his banker-and-genius partner made for him?<br/>Picking up from the last part <em>An imperfect first Christmas</em>, this can be read separately though.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. On Ice

**Author's Note:**

  * For [snowyylove](https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowyylove/gifts).



> Thank you again for all the lovely words and kudos for the last fic! I planned to write more fluff (I swear!) but the boys (and alcohol) took the story away from me. With Danny’s newly-revealed haunting past and the unpredictable dangers around them both, this may turn out not as light as the last one. There’re too many things I’d love to cover so I split it in two chapters. This isn’t Brit-picked but I tried. A friend told me to stop saying “sorry for the mess” in all of my fics so… Hope you enjoy this mess :)  
> Happy new year to you all :D  
> EDIT: I got too carried away so there will be in total 3 chapters for this fic... oops.

Danny was certain he had right now the stupidest grin ever pasted on his face. 

Partly because of his banker-and-also-damn-good-skater partner Alex, who just made an elegant sharp turn on the other end of the ice rink and still managed to shoot him that small smile across the crowd.

Another reason was of a more serious nature. After their first Christmas Eve, Danny decided to let Alex meet Scottie. The meeting went unexpectedly more complicated. Danny still did not know if he yearned or dreaded for _that_ chance where he could finally let Alex completely into his life, revisiting the darkest and most confused night of all followed by the weeks of HIV scare. It was as long as that regrettable night- this time laying bare his whole being, vulnerable in front of the man he loved. He did have that three words from his lover, yet it had been bugging him that he did not know clearly what thoughts were processed from those information in such a brilliant and logical mind.

And yet, to Danny's slight relief, Alex, never a festive person, asked him in the morning after to take the New Year's Eve afternoon off. Thanks to a colleague who swapped shift with him in two days notice, Danny was saved from sulking in the warehouse with unsettling thoughts. 

Instead, he was treated to the sight of an athletic and smiling Alex gliding towards him on the ice, with a fitting backdrop consisting of the beautiful architecture of Somerset House plus a huge Christmas tree under fine weather. It was indeed a lovely starter to the first New Year’s Eve they were spending together, now having no secrets on his side.

“Are you alright?” Alex placed his gloved hand on Danny’s arm, interrupting the latter’s thought. 

"Are you done inspecting the ground?” Danny teased, blinking a bit to push away the earlier unwanted thoughts. _I'm not going to be the mood killer this time_. “I hope you’re not checking out some guys out there.”

“Why do I need to do that when I have you?” Alex was utterly honest, yet he did not comment on the first question.

Danny snorted and laughed. He noticed he was probably giving away his slight nervousness so he just stopped, gesturing at the ground, “You make it look too easy. I’m not sure I can balance that well.”

“No, you’ll do fine. You demonstrated your abilities at the seaside. Before you asked my real name.” Danny loved the fondness in Alex’s voice.

“Well, I'd rather lean on you than these rails.” Danny peeled himself off the side rails, gingerly moving his feet for some distance, still close to the rails. He heard Alex following him. It was not really difficult when he had tried once ages ago. Perhaps he could trip himself up and fall down, taking Alex with him...

Perhaps Danny should actually focus- his brain could not handle fantasy and maintaining balance at the same time. The next moment he lost his footing and tumbled. He expected he would hit the icy ground in no time.

But surprisingly, his awkward fall was broken by a strong arm at his waist.

“There. Danny, I got you.” Alex’s face came into Danny's field of vision. He was clearly very amused. 

“Ta.” Danny was still a bit stunned. Those pairs of eyes. Blue like sea waves on a cloudy day. Did they still hold as much love after Danny let all his secrets out?

Alex helped him back on his feet, his hand still on the small of his back, rubbing gently. Danny mindlessly grabbed the rail next to him. Their eyes still locked, blue to green, green to blue. Danny toyed with the idea of leaning up to close the gap. He licked his lips, pondering. He was drowning in those eyes. He needed a slight distraction so he tried to focus at the faint background music from a distance. 

“ **On that you can rely—**  
**No matter what the future brings**  
**As time goes by—** ”

 _It was London here but not some classic romanticised espionage capitals during WWII._ Of course this was clearly not helping. Were they going to kiss in public only because he needed more reassurance? _Definitely not with Alex. No, Alex deserves more than that._

Some sudden noises broke the tension. Alex turned abruptly, fully alert. Apparently someone else found it the right time to lose his balance. All they saw was a pair of lovers giggling on the cold wet ground nearby.

“I hope he didn’t do that on purpose too,” Alex casually remarked with a chuckle, all relaxed now.

All Danny could respond was with an embarrassed smile. 

"You do read me well, love," Danny mumbled to break the silence, moving slowly away because he could no longer bear the warmth radiated from Alex without giving him a proper snog, out of pure passion.

"Oh." Danny heard the faint respond and turned, nearly tripping himself over again. Alex grabbed Danny's hands, his lips remained parted and his face unreadable.

“So do you mind—?” 

"No, of course not," Alex beamed him a smile, giving a reassuring squeeze through the gloves. Danny loved how expressive Alex's hands could be. They steadied him and made it no need for spoken words to intrude. 

But for this moment, such non-verbal communications might not be enough. 

“Shall we?” Alex gave Danny another squeeze, gently release Danny’s hands.

Danny was slightly irritated by Alex’s methodical way to things, but he nodded with a faint smile, shifting his attention to keeping his feet balanced and keeping in the loose loop of anticlockwise moving crowd on the rink.

Just two loops later, Danny started to enjoy moving on the ice with no other thoughts. He felt Alex watching him, remaining nearby. Normally it would have been very reassuring but he could not help tilting his head to have a glimpse of his lover from the corner of his eyes. Alex gave him that small smile again. Danny’s heart fluttered and he risked making a larger stride. He still managed except he moved his hands a bit more fanatically and comically. Alex followed with effortless grace, his gloved hands in his pockets.

 _Show off_ , Danny mused, shaking his head. That stupidest grin returned to his face.

Several loops later, their hour-long session came to an end. They put on their shoes again, packing away their brand new skating boots in the skating bag.

"Shall we get some drinks?" Alex suggested.

"Sure, why not?" Danny smiled. Perhaps some drinks helped talking.

Danny thought they were heading to the Skate Lounge next to the rink, so he was a bit puzzled when Alex led the way to the West Wing, through the shopping crowd in the Christmas Arcade to Fortnum's Lounge. The charming restaurant was nearly full, filled with laughter and delicious fragrance, a combination of cheese fondue and sweet stuff.

Alex checked with the waitress and was shown to the only empty table on the right side of the mantle next to the wall.

"The menus are on the table, Mr Edwards," the waitress gestured with a smile, removing the metal plate bearing "Reserved" written in beautiful calligraphy.

"Mr Edwards?" Danny frowned with a smirk, remembering the first time Alex introducing himself as Joe.

"I'm not quite comfortable with sharing my real name around," Alex explained slightly apologetically, straightening the menu which served also as table mat. "I must've been picking up this habit from work. But—"

"I understand. Bankers and their paranoia!" Danny declared with a bit playful theatricality, intending to be a joke. He always respected the secrecy of Alex's job. Alex blinked, searching Danny's face and responding to the fiercely reassuring smile with a weak one.

In such a brightly-lit room, Danny had another proper look of Alex, who was back to studying the menu. Certainly Alex was more well-rested than he had been before Christmas Eve. Danny guessed Alex had finished the work that tore him away from their first Christmas Day. But there was something in Alex's eyes. It seemed they were more alert at the surroundings. Danny felt Alex was on something. Whatever it is, Danny had sworn to share the burden with him, even though a recent nagging doubt that Alex might not love him as much after he knew about that night years ago.

"I'll have hot chocolate with rum. How about you?"

"I'll just have what you have." Danny's mind was simply too occupied.

Danny heard Alex place the order for them both, but he looked randomly around, from the beautiful cream-coloured walls to the deer heads over the mantelpiece, and from other guests back to the person in front, his favourite person in the whole world.

"Have those loops on the ice made you dizzy?" Alex observed, smiling but with a bit concern.

"No, no, erm, I enjoyed that really really much," Danny exhaled, reaching for a walnut in the festive basket between them.

"Good," Alex sounded genuinely relieved, "it's our first New Year's Eve. I try to make it on par with what you did for me just days ago."

"Hey, it's not competition," Danny could not help grinning. _This silly man._ "I just love every moment with you."

"But is something bothering you?"

Danny kicked himself mentally, _ok even Alex notices, you idiot_. This was more embarrassing than faking a fall on ice.

"When I nearly _fell_ out there," he began, _dammit to Alex he needed to make it clear_ , "I was worrying for a second, no, not really just for a second, erm, in fact, I've been worrying, well, it sounds silly—perhaps you don't like me calling you 'love' in public."

It was Alex's turn to be slightly embarrassed. "It's first time I heard you calling me that in public. To be honest I was just surprised," he paused, that rare boyish grin slowly spread across his face, just as the one he had when he opened Danny’s gift a week ago, ”but in a good way. Really."

"Oh," Danny struggled with a reply, "I thought—"

"Among us, I should be the one who think too much," Alex mused. His face was now neutral, as a waiter approached the table and placed down two trays of mug, brandy glass and elegant sweets between them.

Danny poked at his share of marshmallow with the spoon while watching Alex shift and arrange the items on his tray to his liking. _Something doesn’t really change_ , he could not help convincing himself again, before having a mouthful of whipping cream along with a sip of the hot rich liquid.

“Hmmm,” Danny closed his eyes, savouring probably the best hot chocolate he ever had. He opened his eyes, finding Alex eyeing him over his raised cup of cream. He licked his lips out of reflex, but then he consciously making that slow. He was pleased to see Alex’s mouth corner curved up a bit.

So the next minutes went on in playful silence as the background noises faded into a game of watching-you-watching-me-drinking-and-getting-whipped-cream-off-the-lips. Alex broke the eye contact to add a bit of rum to his drink, raising an eyebrow when he saw Danny poured all of his liquor in one go.

“More the _merrier_ ,” Danny quoted from the menu.

Alex shook his head in mockery, “Put those in too. These are my favourite.” he pointed at Danny’s marshmallows before he dropped his two in his brass mug.

“I thought _I_ am your favourite.” Danny blamed the extra alcohol he had yet to drink for such a childish complaint.

“My favourite type of marshmallow,” Alex corrected with a chuckle, “I used to eat a lot of these salted caramel marshmallow, but it was really long time ago.”  
  
Danny’s stopped stirring his overly-spiked hot chocolate, his hand still on the long spoon handle. Did Alex just happen to reveal bits of his childhood?

“So you were surrounded by posh sweets as a kid,” Danny gently remarked.

Alex shrugged, “You can make any kid happy with sweets.”

“And you probably skated a lot too,” Danny changed the subject a bit. He just knew Alex did not want to further elaborate, but curiosity made him remain poking around for more snippets of Alex's childhood. 

“Yes,” Alex replied, taking a long sip of his drink, “in winters I found that enjoyable. It helped clearing your mind.” He put down his mug, moving the spoon so its handle was equidistant between the mug and the tray gallery. Looking up, he simply added, “Since I met you, I’ve been wondering how it would be like to skate with you.”

Danny let go of the spoon handle, overwhelmed. He reached out so their fingers brushed.

“Thank you, love,” Danny knew Alex could pick up how touched he was, to be shared with some of the most private experiences. “You—you made me felt so spoilt like a kid.”

“This soon?” Alex tried to sound he was teasing, but that small smile of his contained nothing but warmth and sincerity. “We'll go to somewhere else next. It's even better.”

“Shame our skating boots are to be put away after just an hour on ice,” Danny spoke his thoughts out after finishing the last of his ultimate hot chocolate.

“Having our own boots means we can just go ice skating wherever we can. This winter or the next,” Alex paused to ask for the bill, “And renting at ice rinks can't ensure you can have a nice pair every time. You just don’t know who wore them before you.”

Danny just smiled indulgently at his partner’s fuss, too satisfied from the afternoon of enjoyment and new realisation that eased his worries a bit. _No mood-killing please_.

“So the dress code's black tie— you've said so earlier. Where exactly are we going tonight?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading the first part :)  
> Fortnum's Lounge should be at Somerset House Ice Rink only from 2014 winter (the new year’s eve in the fic should be in 2013 according to canon) but I just can’t help writing out my headcanon that Alex’s family is a fan of Fortnum & Masons.  
> The final part will be about some serious discussions over fine dining and fireworks. Of course there'll also be fluff. Stay tuned ;)  
> Please comment :)


	2. On Board

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As New Year was approaching, Danny's uneasiness from revealing his past to Alex resurfaced. Perhaps it was not a good idea to sort out his doubts over a lavish dinner at a surprising place with his poor unaware Alex, who actually had more things to worry than just spoiling Danny.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the comments and kudos! Sorry it takes so long for me to update so here's a long one:)  
> Basically Danny just took this away from me. I also got distracted by what might go on in Alex's mind (it took me efforts to refrain from writing from Alex POV). It was very challenging and enjoyable to write these two while life got in the way. Hope I deliver!  
> And oops I just split it into two parts again because it'd be too much for just a single chapter. "Sorry, boys! I'm *so* changeable!"  
> Huge hugs to Snowyylove for calming my nerves with lovely words and her marvellous fic.  
> Hope you all enjoy this mess ;)

“You can’t be serious,” Danny gasped in awe, pausing his excited footsteps, “We’re going to dine there— I mean, erm, _really_ over there.”

He turned to Alex, eyes wide. Since they alighted the cab near Trafalgar Square at around 7pm, Danny had been guessing which posh restaurant they were heading to. Danny's curiosity was fuelled further by Alex’s curt and amused answers of “No” during their ten-minute walk among extra bustling but currently vehicle-free streets. Just now they walked past the fancy entrance of The Northhall at Corinthia Hotel. It was thus even more a revelation when Danny glimpsed the unusual restaurant at the far end of Northumberland Avenue.

Danny was blinking his eyes, waiting for a confrimation with a smile and a frown declaring _this is unbelievable._ Nevertheless, Alex seemed to take time to admire his stunned face, stunning in the very suit he got him as Christmas gift. The coat hugged Danny’s delicate figure perfectly. 

“Yes," Alex looked at Danny with an affectionate grin, pleased to get such a dramatic reaction out of Danny. "They offer the best view to the fireworks there. Of all the places I could think of."

"Watching fireworks after fine dinner with you on a bloody big ship,” Danny uttered, shaking his head in disbelief, as they crossed the crowded Victoria Embankment to reach the river bank. “Who could’ve believed I'd end this year at such a high note?”

“And start a New Year too,” Alex confessed with a faint smile. "What a year indeed."

Painted blue and white, the restaurant cruise bathed in cozily inviting glows from small lightbulbs, permanently anchored in the Thames. Its name, R.S. HISPANIOLA, was written fittingly also in blue on a big white signage board above the onshore entrance. The pair left behind the bustling crowd from the road to reach a blue gate, where they were greeted by a waiter who showed them onto the descending gangplank to the ship. Fresh flowers decorated the handrails along the way, supplying a pleasingly vibrant colour platelet to the white canopies above.

Live music flowed from upstairs to the reception beyond the opened glass doors. Some kind of oldies were playing. Danny felt he stepped into another world. It was not his usual type of party, yet to his surprise he did not feel out of place in his suit. Looking around, he was entertained for a while by the sight of waiters busying up and down the stairs for some last-minute preparations. Still, he found himself grinning as his gaze returned to the all-too-familiar back in front of him. His favourite person, handsomely donned in one of the black bespoke suits, was now confirming the arrangements with the staff at the reception.

Somehow Danny would picture them in sophisticated scenarios like this in future, perhaps when Alex was no longer so secretive about his job and might take him to banker dinners. He should be ready for easing his partner in tiring social situations then. _As if we would_ , Danny laughed to himself at his ridiculous daydream.

 _But would such a rational perfectionist mind if his partner has shameful past?_ Danny bit his lip, bitterly considering something he never quite dwelt on previously. He watched Alex turn around and flash him that small smile, but all he could was returning a polite smile. As soon as Alex’s concerned grey eyes searched his facial features for more clues, Danny shook his head with a shrug in an attempt of reassuring, casually receiving two flutes of champagne from a young waitress who just showed up long enough to witness the whole exchange. Without a word, Alex led the way up to the rear sun deck.

Most of the guests were enjoying their drinks and snacks outside but Alex managed to find a relatively quiet corner. The Millennium Bridge above cast a shadow on where they stood. Danny leaned against the painted steel cabin wall, handing Alex a glass. Their fingers brushed long enough to make Danny snort a real laughter. Danny took a swig, welcoming the bubbly tingles of distraction on his tongue and smiling upper lip.

These all felt old-fashionedlyromantic rather than patronising. People chatted and laughed in groups or pairs in glamorous cocktail dresses or suits in front of Danny and his best-looking companion of all. He could not but think of those vintage romantic films he watched in his early teens, as he blaming such a thought to the music from _Casablanca_ he heard earlier at the ice rink. _That’s what happens when you end up with such a grown-up who's actually used to drinking his tea from the thermo,_ Danny could not bite back a chuckle as he saw his Alex sipping champagne like a proper wine connoisseur.

"So now you’ve set the bar _this_ high," Danny hummed jokingly, admiring the London Eye across the Thames.

“I’ve searched for the options and concluded that this may delight you the most," Alex admitted with a grin, relief written on his face after Danny spoke. “After months I did have a general idea on what can surprise you.”

“Oh, right, perhaps I’m really easy to read,” Danny blushed a bit, _or am I?_ “This is so lovely, erm, I forgot—” 

Clinking their flutes together, Danny playfully toasted, “To your brilliant mind and plans.”

Danny indulged himself in the moment as Alex looking around at the few older guests nearest to them. Danny wondered if Alex might feel unease between groups of socialising people, even though he appeared completely blending in. He sensed the alertness underneath Alex's neutral expression.

Unfortunately, another large gulp of elegant fruitiness could not keep Danny's thought from shifting back to the moments right after he told Alex his past, when he remained sleepless and unsure, trying to pick up anything unusual from Alex’s shallow sleep and waking moments before he left for work. There had not been anything hinting that Alex thought differently of Danny thereafter but Danny still felt unsettled.

Despite this growing turmoil, Danny found it awkward if he asked Alex directly, and the cool silky bubbles sliding down his throat were not giving him courage to raise a perfect question. He could not predict Alex’s rational response; nonetheless, he so wanted to know. Secrets or withheld feelings have caused misunderstanding and emotional confrontations before. Danny needed not another reminder from that unpleasant talk on pavement, an indirect result of their talk by the bonfire at the seaside.

So Danny turned to his quiet lover who was losing himself in the straw-coloured swirls in the glass. _"I should be the one who thinks too much_ ," this was what Alex told him earlier over finished hot chocolate. It might be very likely that Danny over-read so many things these few days that he failed to enjoy completely such lovely company, especially when Alex was not radiating exhaustion from work for once lately. It should not matter when Alex came up with today’s plans- it was crystal clear he did it all for Danny only. At least, Alex did not cancel the plans or behave coldly after that night. _Well, not really, it’d definitely mean something more comforting if this was arranged only after my tale_. Still, Alex did ask him to reserve the day next morning!

A sudden camera flashlight went off nearby. From the corner of his eyes, Danny saw Alex tense up at once. It struck Danny that he found Alex's presence reaffirming. Silence between them was never unbearable as Alex's quick yet subtle response to the surrounding was kind of endearing. To think Alex had been filling the missing bits of his life for months! Such a thought should make Danny grin sheepishly with skipped heart beat anytime, yet right now he just felt a niggling fear that Alex would be taken away from him for unknown reason. Out of reflex, Danny took a small step closer to Alex, who was lost in thought with a frown. Their shoulders touched. _I'm here for you, whatever it is, however you felt._

“Would it be more romantic if I quote poetry,” Alex murmured out of the blue, so honestly an enquiry, more a statement than a question.

“Oh, I was wondering if you’re plotting something more serious,” Danny teased a bit out of relief, “my dear Mr. Think-too-much.”

“I think—I forgot to confirm our seats with the maître d',” Alex stated plainly, handing Danny his unfinished glass, “Would you mind? I won’t be long.”

Danny watched Alex’s back disappearing back into the cabin. He had now two glasses in hand. _It’s romantic if you just fucking stay where you are but not leave me to complete your checklist._ He rolled his eyes in a sulk and finished all the liquids in one go, scowling at the sight across the Thames.

South Bank looked dazzling with more spectators than usual nights. Camera flashes were like blinking stars beneath the London Eye, now basking in deep blue light. Danny thought he could indeed add some poetry to his notebook. He did not mind showing Alex at all after that night, yet Alex regarded it as some sort of personal journal. Thus it had been on Danny’s shelves for ages, opened only by his owner.

A waitress appeared nearby with a bottle in hand, asking guests if they needed refills. Danny recognised she was the same waitress at the reception. He nodded as she approached, holding out the two empty glass.

To Danny’s thanks, the black-haired waitress quickly added embarrassedly, “it isn't my place to make a comment but you and your date look amazing together. Enjoy your night on board.”

Danny thanked her with a bemused smile, watching her moving swiftly back inside. Alex politely stepped aside at the cabin door before walking out to join Danny, who immediately picked up a hint of extra seriousness on his partner’s face.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. What did that waitress say?”

“Just a compliment that we look great together. Do you think she’s a spy who are to drug a harmless banker and his lover?” Danny laughed as he saw Alex’s puzzled face. “Sorry, I was thinking about old classic spy films earlier.”

“Drugging people in front of other civilians,” Alex shrugged after a while, his fingers tracing the glass. “Very unlikely.”

Danny quite enjoyed Alex playing along when he mentioned ridiculous theories since the that first time Alex responded to the suggestion of “background checking” for Danny's address. Taking another sip of the champagne, Danny decided to go farther for fun to take things off his mind.

“Oh you're right— it’s poisoned! I’m dying! I’m cursed! Only a true love's kiss can save me!” Danny went fully melodramatic, clutching his throat with a pained expression.  
  
Alex shook his head in amusement, putting down his glass in the nearest table with an exaggerated sigh of exasperation. Danny's breath caught as Alex leaned in close to brush a thumb on Danny's lips. Another hand of his removed Danny’s from the collar. Danny shut his eyes to the touch, trying not to get over-excited at something he had been craving for since they left Alex's flat earlier...  
  
“I believe the starter comes with some herbs that makes a better cure.”

Danny sensed desire in that seducing voice, yet all he got was a tender touch on his cheek. With his opened eyes in disappointment, Danny frowned but grinned to the faint feeling of those knuckles as Alex readjusted his dishevelled bowtie. The close proximity reminded him that sensational setting when Alex taught him how to make a Windsor tie knot on Christmas morning in front of small mirror in his bedroom. Here they were, having again another closer look of one another, eyes to eyes and face to face, without the distance widened by mirror reflection. In dim light, Danny alarmingly saw worries surface on Alex's retreating face, and yet those expressive fingers lingered affectionately on Danny's collar.  
  
“Shame my acting wasn’t convincing enough,” Danny cleared his throat and made a silly laugh to break the spell. “Maybe we should get inside.”

“Yes,” Alex removed his hands and murmured, “we do need to be in time for your antidote.”

The deck was nearly empty now. They visited the cloak room before meeting the maître d', who took them upstairs again to the restaurant. The ceiling and the window panes were elegantly decorated in silver and white. Their seats were at a round table of four at a neglected yet cosy corner on the far left of a small stage, granting them a nice view of the performing pianist and the remaining fully-seated tables down the hall plus a bit privacy.

“Because of the cancellation, there’s no one else at this table, Mr. Edwards,” another waiter spoke as he attended to them.

Danny remained seated next to Alex on the diagonal sofa on one side of the table. Alex smiled without commenting. Despite his own issues, Danny was glad to see his earlier troubled expression fade a bit. The waiter removed the extra utensils as waitresses brought them their lobster confit. Danny watched Alex adjust the plates slightly before picking up the right cutlery to start. He followed suit and had a bite, enchanted by the marvellous taste. 

Perhaps this was what Danny needed, to convince himself again about the decision of sorting out his thoughts out loud. _So we both can enjoy this fancy dinner fully_. Unlike on Christmas Eve when he was the planner with lots of logistics going on in his mind, he had no comfort currently so his thoughts were more maddening. Maybe he was not meant to hold back any discussion. After all, they were stuck here for four hours before the new year.  


“I think you’d disapprove,” Danny began with a nervous snort, putting down his glass of white wine.

“Of the food?” Alex was startled slightly.

“No, no. Us being intimate in public. I mean, earlier on the rink, I— I nearly kissed you. And, well, just now out there, too. But in fact we haven’t talked about this before.”

Danny tried not to panic when he saw Alex’s hands froze above the dish. It seemed the jazz piano music could not drown out the sound of cogwheels working frantically in the genius mind across him. Danny reaffirmed to himself mentally that they did need to discuss some issues before the new year began. _And I'm going to tread carefully this time._

“No, we didn’t,” Alex finally placed down the cutlery, watching his partner intensely. “Please tell me. Are you upset?”

“No, I mean, well, perhaps a bit,” Danny stammered, clearly hearing his lover's hollow voice. _Fuck I shouldn’t start it._ Danny watched Alex carefully, pushing the last bit of lobster and chestnut around his plate. His heart sank as at the sight of Alex's blinking eyelashes and struggling for words. Danny resisted the urge to touch his partner’s face for comfort. For the comfort of both of them.

“I’ve told you I wanted to stay when we met near that bridge again that morning. Remember you said you weren’t out?” Danny gently began again. He should fill Alex in before his partner's linear logical mind landed on something worse. “I just want to know if you want to stay low-key, after we’ve been for months together, and I can’t be more certain about us— don’t get me wrong I’d respect your wish but it’s just, erm, I just need to hear your thoughts because I don’t want to assume anything or cross the line— but you’re perfect and sometimes, no, all the time I can’t help. I— I just want to touch you, hug you and kiss you. And perhaps it’s frustrating that I can’t—“

Seeing emotions boiling between Alex’s knitted eyebrows, Danny recalled of the same expression preceding that teary-eyed declaration to the suggestion of “go to see other people”. Danny could no longer help but reach out to cover Alex's hand, rubbing the cold shaky fingers on the white tablecloth.

“Don't think for a second I’m going somewhere else. I’m staying with you. I just need to tell you about my feelings. I just realised they’ll hurt both of us if I keep them from you. Sorry it’s not the right time, in fact, it's the worst— but I’ve been having lots in my mind lately, so it slipped,” Danny smiled weakly, staring straight into Alex’s lost blue eyes, “I’m sorry I'm, erm, a bit selfish. I just can’t help it. And I am not going away whatever you answer. I promise.”

For a millisecond Danny feared his hand would be dropped on the tablecloth directly. He let out a shaky breath when he felt Alex firmly grab his hand, holding on as if a man taking hold of his water bottle in a desert.

“I—“ Alex stared at their linked hands for a long while before looking up, avoiding Danny's olive green eyes, with an affected voice, honest and a bit shaky, “thank you for telling me. There are things I don’t know how to say or explain to you. I’m learning and I rely on you to tell me how I can do better. How  _we_ can do better.” Alex’s grip remained firm. Danny was touched because it seemed Alex also learnt from their past serious exchanges.

“I believe it would be best if we don’t look very physically intimated in public for now. I know it’s a lot to ask,” Alex stated painfully, desperation getting apparent in his slightly lagged manner of speech. Vulnerability slipped through his handsome features as Alex lowered his voice in a rare plead with sincerity, “Danny, I’m really trying my best so we can be what you want in the future. That's what I want too. I’m so sorry that I can't control the world outside. I—I can only ask you to give me some time at this moment, if you will. But if you find it—”

“Just look at me, love,” Danny interrupted tenderly, waiting patiently till Alex looked at him with stormy blue eyes. “You worth the wait. We worth it. It’s absolutely fine.”

Danny felt Alex’s grip relaxed slightly. Danny slowly lifted the corner of his mouth in reassurance as his lover regained his normal breathing pattern again. Nonetheless, from Alex's flickering eyes, Danny was certain there were things concealed from him. He had a hunch that it would be related to that mysterious banking work, but he suppressed the urge to address it, lest they complicate the brief yet disastrous conversation.

With an affectionate squeeze, Danny slipped his slightly sore hand out of Alex’s as gently as he could and returned to his final bite. Some weight was just lifted from his mind but he was well aware the roots of his doubts were still not tended to. Little had he expected that Alex's response gave him more to ponder on.

A waiter approached to retrieve their plates. Danny felt sorry to see Alex gestured to have his unfinished plate removed. Another waitress laid down their dishes of risotto and returned to refill their wine glasses. The smell of truffle was welcomingly distracting. With the damage done, Danny decided he should spill all out and end it as quickly as possible. He wished Alex would get it when he revealed his biggest doubt, which he still could not bring himself asking directly.

“Actually,” Danny winced slightly, hating himself, “I did think—perhaps if I were someone more educated and hadn’t, erm, _messed around_ , maybe you would be fine with us, erm, in public. Well, I guess that thought was— silly.”

“It’s nothing to do with your background,” Alex replied quickly with a tired sigh, squeezing his eyes as he adjusted himself uncomfortably in the seat. “I’m truly sorry that it gives such impression. Danny, you're my partner. I wish I could explain clearly to you but I— just can’t.”

Why on earth would Alex address to that? _Damn your rationality,_ Danny still did not know how Alex felt about his past.

“I understand, love,” Danny lied, as he could not bear to continue poking around. With a thought later, he spoke the truth, “I’ve got your back. Anyways.”

“I know,” Alex softly replied, amid other thoughts of his own.

“Now I do hope this lovely mushroom risotto can cheer you up a bit. Or else I’d hate myself so much.”

Danny spent the remaining course by discussing the fungi types in the beautiful creamy risotto, in the hope of diverting Alex from the worries Danny felt he was responsible for. He did not waste any chance to instil playfulness and lightness back in their conversation. Even when Alex seemed to begin enjoying the food again, Danny could still feel his lover’s racing and distracted mind in the background of this all. He felt a bit bad as he appeared like a spoilt and ungrateful lover who wasn't satisfied with the lavish dinner so he chose to distress his love.

Scooping up the last chanterelles from the dish, Danny resolved that they still both needed to begin the New Year with no lingering doubts and worries. He just needed another chance to clarify and mend, to make the night okay again for both of them. Glancing at his watch, he knew he got around three hours. Some more wine could certainly help.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The menu is from the last NYE dinner at R.S. Hispaniola [here](http://hispaniola.co.uk/wp-content/uploads//2013/10/Hispaniola-NYE-Menu-2015.pdf).  
> There'll be more fluff with fireworks soon, I promise. Thanks for reading!  
> Please comment to let me know what you think- I'm still unsure about the drama in this part :(


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